We're Different, You and I
by Inks Inc
Summary: When Gibbs took his spontaneous sabbatical to Mexico, Tony was thrown into holding the leadership mantel. For the most part, he knows he did a good job, but there's something bothering him. Something he'd been trying to repress. Sensing somethings up, Gibbs determines to get to the bottom of it. WARNING: Discussion of spanking, with no actual on screen scene. Completed one-shot.


Carding a hand through the bent over mop of sandy hair, Gibbs sighed. "Come on Tony, up now…come on, up you get." When the younger agent didn't comply, the team leader took the noncompliance time to thread his belt back through his loops and place a careful hand under the kids arm. Confusion was starting to bite at him. He'd been fairly to very easy on the kid, all things considered and was a little thrown at his reaction to a minute long chastisement.

Gibbs' concern mounted as Tony finally righted himself from the conference room table, but refused to make eye contact with him nor did he seem to welcome the hand he had placed on his shoulder. Withdrawing his touch instinctively, Gibbs stared quietly for a second as Tony averted his gaze diligently over his head. Anxiety was starting to mount now. It had been nothing serious as such, but Tony's constant disappearing acts on their recent case to chase the chief blonde witness, after repeated warnings, needed addressing. That addressing was downright mild in comparison to other trips to the conference room, and Gibbs instantly could see that Tony's eyes were bone dry.

"You want to tell me what's going on with you?"

It seemed a direct question was enough to garner eye contact, as he knew it would.

"Boss?"

Gibbs' tone was much gentler than normal, and his patience was much longer. It always was in these situations, but he still had to take a breath to not react to the slow tempo. "You're off about something;" he countered evenly, "There's something bugging you. I need you to tell me what that is." Silence greeted him as he watched Tony carefully mull over the request in his head, before shrugging and plastering on that frat boy smile that Gibbs hated. Tony's natural smile was the one that always met his eyes, the cover smile…it never did.

"Nothing's wrong Boss, just a little sore is all." He gestured to the now secured belt. "You may be getting older, but your swing sure ain't. Don't I get five minutes to adjust?" Gibbs shook his head with a certain sadness. "Don't give me that Tony…I barely broke a sweat with you just then and we both know it. You disagree that you deserved it? Is that what's going on?"

Tony looked away before letting out a loud sigh.

"No disagreement here Boss, I know I deserved it. Won't happen again, ok? Now…can I go?"

Gibbs' raised brow was answer enough.

"Didn't think so," Tony muttered under his breath, before taking up his eye aversion once more. Gibbs watched in a state of bewilderment. There was no anger in the kid's tone, and he wasn't lying when he admitted he deserved the brief correction. There was nothing in the previous days or weeks to suggest something was up, and yet all of a sudden, there were clouds behind his eyes. Turning on his heel, Gibbs planted himself in one of the rarely used conference room chairs, and pointed to the one directly across from him.

"Sit."

Barely suppressing a groan and an eye roll, Tony shook his head pleadingly. "C'mon man…you know how hard those chairs are." Gibbs, on the other hand, did not suppress his eye roll. "Don't even go there Tony, we both know that was a Christmas present towards what you usually get and what you _will_ get if you don't do as you're damned told." Sighing, but knowing when not to push it, Tony moved towards his allocated spot. Sitting down, he let out a little hiss. No matter how short one's session with Gibbs' belt was it still left an impression. The number of the coveted witness in his pocket, with whom he had a date with later on was however a soothing factor.

Eying Tony carefully, Gibbs chose his words with a caution that was unusual for him. But his senses were tingling and he wasn't about to let whatever it was drop unless he absolutely had to. "You were fine when I chewed you out, you were fine when you were over this table and then…you're not fine. What am I missing?"

Tony stared incredulously.

"Umm…that your damned belt hurts, maybe? Just a thought?"

Gibbs stared firmly.

"Don't get fresh with me," he rebuked calmly, "It's a legitimate question that I want answered." He softened his gaze somewhat, and his tone. "That I _need_ answered, Tony…come on, just spit it out. Whatever it is, just spit out would ya? If you're worried about getting in trouble-"

"It's not that."

Unusually grateful for the interruption, Gibbs raised a brow. "Then what is it Tony?" he repeated gently, "Is it your…" he swallowed slightly, "Is DiNozzo senior back in town or something?" Smiling slightly at the thinly veiled concern that his apparently closed off boss was showing, Tony shook his head.

"No…no it's nothing like that."

Sighing, he stood up abruptly from his chair and turned to stare out the window with a sudden moodiness that Gibbs associated only with troubles that had longevity. Casting his mind rapidly back and then further back, he couldn't think of anything that remained unresolved. "When you were in Mexico…" Tony started, before sighing loudly and leaning his head against the cold glass in frustration.

He knew there was no way of getting out of this room without telling Gibbs what was eating him. He'd been able to ignore it for a couple of months, because he hadn't been in this conference room for a couple of months…but now, there was no ignoring it. He should have known he wouldn't be able to hold it together for long enough to escape Gibbs' eagle eyed attention.

"When I was in Mexico…what? C'mon Tony, what?"

The note of anxiety was controlled, but it was there and for some reason it just made Tony feel worse. Unable to turn around and face the man behind him, he spoke to the window, looking out on the chilly Washington day with a troubled expression. "When you were in Mexico," he reiterated slowly, his shoulders hunched with a creeping moroseness, "I…well I failed, Boss. Ok? I failed."

Gibbs' confusion was paramount now. By all accounts, even those grudgingly given by McGee, Abby and Ziva, corroborated by Jenny…Tony had excelled as a leader in his absence, as he knew he would. It wasn't an easy challenge he had left him with, and a part of him still regretted that, given the degree of sibling rivalry between the four, but he had entrusted him faithfully nonetheless. He had had no qualms about the safety of Tim, Ziva or Abby in the hands of Tony's care, and as he stared at the stiff back of his second in command, he was left scratching his head.

"Failed how?"

Running a frustrated hand over his face, Tony still didn't turn around. It was a testament to how much he wanted answers that Gibbs continued to willingly speak to his back. "Tony…what do you mean? What are you talking about? Everything I heard since I got back has pointed to you doing a hell of a job while I was gone. I wouldn't have left if I thought it would be otherwise."

Tony shrugged almost imperceptibly.

"I thought I'd be a good boss, however temporary. I thought you know…that I could make it work. And it was great actually, for the most part. A little resistance from the guys, which was to be expected. I would've been the same in the opposite scenario. But after a while everyone sort of gelled, and we moved forwards."

He paused then as if struck by thought.

"Not that we moved on from _you_ Boss," he added hastily, still staring out the window, "You're irreplaceable like that."

"Why thank you," murmured Gibbs dryly, "Carry on."

Nodding slowly, Tony shoved his hands in his pocket, another habit that the elder agent hated but let slide in the pursuit of the truth. "Well…like I said, it was good after a while and for a while we were all working fine, but then you know….there was a few uhm, incidents, I guess you could call it…and I…well it came to my attention that I didn't have the balls to deal with it…well them, really…."

Gibbs remained none the wiser after this so called explanation.

"Huh?"

Tony sighed so heavily into the glass his breath fogged up his view. Turning to face Gibbs out of instinct, he shrugged helplessly. "Look, Boss…can we just let this go? We got better things to do than to sit here and talk about my feelings. Or have you gone all squishy, as Abby would say?"

Gibbs raised a brow.

"I look squishy to you, DiNozzo?"

Tony retreated hastily, shaking his head rapidly.

"You're like a brick wall Boss, no squishiness from where I'm standing."

Rolling his eyes, Gibbs pointed to the vacated chair. "Sit down and run that by me again. We're not leaving here until I get answers, and you know it. Why don't you make it easier on both of us and make it so that I don't _have_ to wring your neck to get em?"

Sitting rapidly down with a shadow of his former wince, Tony stared down at the table, fighting down the pit of embarrassment in his stomach. "Please, Boss…" he mumbled, "Just let it go. I don't want to talk about it." Settling back in his chair and crossing his arms, Gibbs felt a pang of guilt at his insistence, but he knew from experience with Tony that festering issues were never good. He'd explode somewhere down the line, and he couldn't risk that. He'd gotten himself hurt that way once before, and Gibbs had vowed never again.

"No," he answered with sincerity, "Can't do that. You know that, and why."

Tony let out a disgruntled snort.

"Since when do you care so much about _feelings?"_

Gibbs didn't rise to the bait.

"Since I said so, that's since when. Now, run that by me again like I've asked you."

Tony exhaled slowly in frustration. There was no way out of this and he knew it. Growling somewhat in his throat, he cast about his mind for the words. "Look," he continued grudgingly, "Long story short, is that I thought I was cut out to be a leader, be a boss…and it turns out, I'm not. It sucks, but I think I make a pretty decent second in command and maybe that's the way it's always meant to be."

Gibbs worked hard to keep his jaw from dropping.

"Tony…the hell are you talking about? You're right, you're a solid second in command but it's not where you're meant to be forever. You think I'd have kept someone around this long who wasn't going anywhere? When I left, I was confident you could take over and I still have that confidence. What's your reasoning that I shouldn't?"

Flushing at the rare praise, Tony shrugged jerkily.

"You really wanna know?"

Gibbs raised an incredulous brow.

"Well _yeah_ Tony…I really wanna know."

The younger agent nodded slowly for a moment, before dropping his head into his hands. Looking up after a moment, he looked white as a sheet. "The incidents I was talking about…I didn't deal with them properly, because I couldn't. Because I didn't have the chops. Things happened that shouldn't have happened and things reoccurred that shouldn't have reoccurred…things…that wouldn't have happened with…you here. Being in here for the first time since then, brought it all back I guess."

Gibbs was beginning to feel exhausted from his growing confusion.

"What in the good hell are you talking about?"

Tony nearly mewled in frustration. "I just told you! Tim…Ziva, even Abbs…they all pulled some crazy shit when you were gone, ok? Things that if you were here, they either would never have done or wouldn't have sat down for a straight week after doing. And do you know what _I_ did, Boss? I yelled a little, threatened a little and eventually threw cold cases at them to be worked on their own time. That was _my_ no-nonsense style of team discipline. And shocker, they did the exact same thing all over again, and that's on me. Because I couldn't deal with it right the first time. They could have been _killed_ out there because their supposed leader didn't have the balls to bring them in line."

He threw his hands up to the air in misery.

"You happy now? There, I said it. I'm not you. I'll never be you. I'll always be a second."

Gibbs sat deeper into his stupefied silence as the explanation rebounded around the room. Tony mirrored his silence, the memories of Tim and Ziva being in danger in the field due to their reckless stunts replaying in his mind's eye. The guilt bubbled in him once more and he shook his head internally. He'd felt bad before, but now with Gibbs knowing he couldn't trust him to lead the team in his absence, he felt even worse.

Much worse in fact.

Gibbs broke the silence first.

"Now you listen to me Tony, and you listen hard…you got that?"

Looking up slowly and almost indifferently, the sandy brown head nodded in instinctual agreement.

"I don't know what they did, and I don't want to know. It was on your time. But…I never intended for you to handle things the way I do. I would never, ever expect that of you with this team. It's different for me; I've always been the boss of it. You, are closer than family on a horizontal level with Tim and the girls. It would be impossible and a downright disaster if you had tried to."

Gibbs sucked in a breath.

"The way I handle things Tony, is old school. I'm old school, and military. It's not the only way, and it's definitely not the way I would have advised or expected you to take. Or even imagined you would, with this team. You need to get that into that head of yours. How on earth would you react for example, if Tim or Ziva was left in charge…and he or she tried to punish you like I just did twenty minutes ago?"

It was Tony's turn to stare.

And he couldn't help the snort that ripped from his throat in absolute incredulity.

"I'd snap Tim's neck...and uhh as for Ziva…I dunno, run?"

Gibbs sent a mildly reproving and approving look across the table.

"Neck snapping and running aside, the reason you would react like that is because that…relationship has never been the case with you two, or you and the girls. Hell, I'd pretty much bet that if you had even attempted to attempt that, it would have blown up in your face and I would have been furious as all hell with you when I got back."

He shook his head slowly.

"You made the right call and did the best you could with what you had. Yes, maybe you could have gotten the message across better than you did, but for a first time shout and with people who are as close to you as they are, I'd say you did pretty damned well Anthony. The reason I use the methods I do, is because the official channels are useless and designed to cover ass. You didn't have much option but cold cases. When I got back here, the building was intact; cases were solved and solved damned well. Not to mention you plus the other three still had both arms and legs. I can't ask for much more than that son."

Tony tilted his head to the side in the effort it took to digest everything he had just heard.

"Damn, Boss…you can really talk when you want to, you know that?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes with a crooked smile.

"Yes Tony, I do know that. I just don't like to, makes me tired."

The younger man muttered something that sounded mildly ageist under his breath, and Gibbs let it go.

"It's not just that," he continued, looking over at the team leader, "It's…well, what if I always feel that way? It wasn't just the not uhh…using your methods, I felt bad for yelling at them and for giving them cold cases. _I_ felt bad because _they_ screwed up. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? I mean, how pathetic is that?"

Gibbs held up a silencing hand.

"As for that, I got one explanation for you. Listening?"

Tony nodded mutely.

"It has never been and nor will it ever be an easy thing to be the bad guy."

The young agent couldn't help it. He took one look at his seemingly serious boss and burst into uncontrollable laughter. He didn't even see Gibbs' eyes narrow as he chuckled incredulously. Controlling himself eventually, he ran a hand over his eyes and looked at the elder agent with a shaking head.

"You're kidding, right?"

Gibbs cocked his head to the side.

"I kid often, DiNozzo?"

Tony instantly straightened up.

"Not as a rule Boss, no. But in fairness…you don't exactly come across as conflicted when you're laying into one of us."

Hiding a smile, Gibbs ran a hand over his tired eyes. "True," he admitted, "But that's because I know I have no option and because it's for your own good." Ignoring the dubious look as to veracity of their own good that was splashed across Tony's face, he continued. "You think it's easy for me Tony? This?" He gestured around the conference room. "You think I don't hate coming in here with one of you? Because I do. It's the worst part of the job, but it is a part of the job nonetheless. You just gotta suck it up and remember that it'd feel a hell of a lot worse to have something go down with one of your people because you didn't do what needed to be done."

Tony sat in silence, absorbing like a sponge. He'd never thought about it that way before. The fact that _Gibbs,_ hardass Gunnery Sergeant Gibbs had qualms seemed to wash away his own like a basin of hot soapy water. "That true?" he muttered, looking down at the table, "You really feel that way about…this room and uhh, stuff?"

Gibbs smiled softly at the sudden endearing quality around Tony that appeared when he truly let his guard down.

"It's true," he affirmed, "Particularly with you, at times."

"Me?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Why me? In particular, I mean."

Suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of talking he'd done, and the slightly more emotional aspect this conversation was taking, Gibbs took a moment to straighten himself up. This had obviously been eating the kid for a long time, and he could help. He'd rather help with the lubrication of the vocal chords that a few beers would provide, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

"Because you remind me of a younger me at times," he murmured, looking down at his hands, "The things you do that land you in hot water with me, are things that I often have done myself or would have done. Sometimes I feel like a hypocritical son of a bitch when I'm chewing you out or tanning your ass over those things, but like I said…it's a part of the job and you just gotta get on with it."

Tony's eyes were wide when he eventually mustered the courage to look up from his hands.

"Boss?"

Wondering how in the hell a quick ass whipping had turned into this, Gibbs raised a brow.

"Tony?"

The sudden wide and toothy grin that spread across the younger man's face was his true smile. And this one had no clouds behind it. Looking into them Gibbs had no qualms whatsoever that the niggling issues that kid had been chewing on had been cured, and that he was free from them. He watched as the cogs turned under the thick mop of hair and felt content. As much as he hated dragging Tony into the conference room, this visit had been damned worth it.

"Can I tell Tim and the girls that?"

The elder man blinked.

"Tell them what?"

The grin widened even further and Gibbs felt the familiar uneasiness that always pre-empted a "stunt" as he termed them, from one of his four.

"That you just said I reminded you of a younger, better looking and more charming you?"

Gibbs got slowly to his feet and planted two hands on the desk as he towered over his second.

"Tony DiNozzo, if you dare-"

Leaping to his feet with an excited grin, Tony darted past the elder agent with his quarterback agility and threw a "thanks Boss, you're the best," over his shoulder as he wrenched open the conference room door and sped through it. Before the thick door thudded shut, Gibbs barely caught the faint yet distinct call of "Probie! Wait till you here this," before it obscured any more audio.

About to throw himself back down in his chair with an amused groan of weariness, he caught sight of a slip of paper under what was Tony's chair. A second later he looked down at it, and was then shaking his head in a mixture of emotion. He couldn't quite help the crooked smile that crossed his face.

 ** _If you manage to lose that old dude, I'll be at the Wilton at 9.30. Don't forget those cuffs you promised me._**

 ** _-Claire x_**

"Aw DiNozzo," he muttered to himself, "The hell am I gonna do with you?"

He scratched his head and turned to stare out the window with a small smile, before a thought occurred to him.

"That old dude sure as hell better not be me."

…

A/N: Just popped into my head. Thoughts?

…


End file.
